The Greatest HP Story Ever Written!
by Tsubasa Kya
Summary: See? I can write like everyone else! Crackfic, one-shot, complete.


**Title: The Greatest Harry Potter Story Ever Written!  
**Author: Tsubasa Kya  
_Disclaimer: I do not own "Harry Potter" or "Inuyasha". This shit's awesome._

_TK really can write, can't she?!_

_Previously posted as an April Fools joke ending on VD. Now comes in its own story!_

* * *

The Greatest Harry Potter Story Ever Written

Old Mold was really getting annoyed by how Harry kept _slipping_ through his fingers so often, so with a mask-and-cloaked army of Death Eater Minions, Voldemort decided to _leap_ out of the bushes and attack Harry right then and there. Hagrid couldn't _possibly_ have reacted any faster. He _jumped_ in the way of the killing curse (just because it didn't work once didn't mean it wouldn't work the second time, after all...) and took the deadly shot.

Harry screamed with agonized rage as his large friend crumpled in a heap of dead weight. "HAGRID!" he said. Even his tone of voice managed to be simultaneously too loud and too quiet, because it wasn't loud enough to revive Hagrid and it wasn't enough to drown out the irritable glares coming from the other students.

Draco magically appeared on the scene and, though he was terrified that Voldemort was standing like a cackling madman not ten feet away, he found enough gall to laugh at the dead half-giant. Hermione _punched_ Draco in the nose and there was a sickening crunch. Blood gushed from Draco's nose.

"BY NOBE!" Draco cried. "UU BWOKE BY NOBE!"

Kagome came careening out of the school, late for class of course. When she saw Draco, she froze for a brief second before cracking up into laughter. "HA! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE A BROKEN NOSE, DRACO MALFOY? YOU LIKE IT?"

Draco shook his head. Meanwhile, Voldemort was still cackling and Harry was becoming incredibly angsty by the minute. Hovering over Harry's head was a little rage meter that was spinning out of control as it attempted to calculate the voltage of rage he was currently creating. It was definitely more than enough to power a nation on its own.

"YOU KILLED HAGRID! NOW I SHALL GO ALL MID-EVIL ON YOUR HINEY AND YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE DRAGONS THROUGH," Harry trailed off as someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked and saw Chavi. "...you're interrupting my angsty monologue... what do you want?"

"I want to make out, buuuut," she paused for a dramatic effect before continuing, "at this moment in time, I really ought to point out you can't exactly control dragons."

"But I'm Harry Potter." Harry insisted.

"So?"

"And I have awesome powers. I'm a god-slash-angel-slash-devil-slash-wizard-slash-dragon-slash-elf-slash-vampire-slash-werewolf-slash-purple-people-eater-slash-auror-slash-thief-slash-pirate-slash-king. You really can't beat that. I may even be part giant-slash-ogre-slash-demon-slash-porcupine-slash-pixie, and a bit of..."

"Uh-huh..." Chavi uttered in pure disbelief. "Show me something then, if you're so great, oh-omniscient-one."

"Fine, I will." Meanwhile, Old Mold had been forgotten... He cast a killing curse at Harry whilst the idiot was attempting to prove his all-knowing-god-like-ness (and failing to prove it). Of course, the blasted thing just rebounded (really, the scene was somehow familiar).

Harry cried in both sorrow and joy. "HAGRID DIED TO SAVE ME AND HIS LOVE KEPT VOLDEMORT FROM KILLING ME A SECOND TIME! OH JOY! OH SORROW, FOR HAGRID IS DEAD!"

"I'm not dead," Hagrid moaned. "A wee bit sore, but still alive."

"EVERYONE, LET US SING A SONG OF PRAISE TO HONOR OUR DEAR FRIEND HAGRID!" Harry cried as no one heard the still very much alive half-giant... as magically he is alive again.

Everyone began to sing, "FOR IT WILL BE _ANOTHER_ FIFTEEN YEARS UNTIL VOLDEMORT HAS THE POWER TO REVIVE YET AGAIN, THOUGH IT WILL NOT BE FOR LACK OF _TRYING_ BECAUSE HE WILL SPEND TEN YEARS IN THE FOREST OF ALBANIA LIVING AS A PARASITE--"

"Really, I'm okay." Hagrid tried again.

"IN THE TEN YEARS AFTER THAT HE WILL ATTEMPT TO BE REVIVED, BUT HE WILL ALWAYS BE THWARTED, IT IS THE MUSIC OF THE PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN! WHEN THE BEATING OF THE DRUM ECHOES THE BEATING OF THE HEART, YOU WILL KNOW HAGRID SAVED THE LIFE OF OUR DEAR POTTER!!"

And later that day, Hagrid got annoyed as they attempted to bury his kicking and screaming body so he took off into the mountains to live with his brother Grawp. And they all lived happily ever after...

Or so they think... kukuku... meanwhile, Voldemort's secret minion Naraku who was Kagome's fearsome enemy was cackling away in a secret lair somewhere in Transylvania...

THE END!

_Previously posted as an April Fools joke ending on VD. Now comes in its own story!_


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